I love you babe. Can't wait to move in together and have dinner and wine and watch movies every night after we workout. Lol. And read the Bible every night. All over the house. But I also really really want to travel. And I want to go to restaurants more often and can we go to Kabuki on Sunday. My treat.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
I didnt mean the last thing I said tonight, I guess I just wanted you to feel a little bit of the pain I was feeling. its only been a few months babe. compared to all of 2011 of you not really giving a damn. And starting the year with you saying you were 100% sure that you didnt love me anymore. Not wanting to be with me. And not sexually satisfied. when in reality it was you just wanting to chase after your fantasies. Its hard for me to believe you've truly changed in three months. I believe we humans only change when we hit rock bottom, and you have not experienced pain and loss the way I have. But you will. we all do eventually. Only then will you be able to see things clearly. The worst days are yet to come. the difference is that I promise I will be there. I have no one. you're the only friend I have. Today I was sad all day, I really needed to talk to someone. Anyone. but couldnt think of anyone who I could talk to. That only made me feel worse. But after a while. I only felt stronger. Because theres few like me nowadays. People who deal with shit on their own. Their pain and happiness. Plus I only feel the need to share these feelings with you. Ive hurt alot babe. You will never know how much. Only those who were there know, I think if u asked them theyd cry just describing it. Its like I was in a plane crash and had broken and fractured my whole body. And they were there to see how fucked up and deformed I ended. And how hard the recovery was. For them and I. I like to think i'm great. And feel like a super woman. But the fact is i'm still healing. I guess the only thing I ask for is dont hurt me again. I'm terrified by the thought of hurting that way again. And thats were all this b.s. comes from. Fear. If you do im afraid I might become a bitter old sarcastic cynic bitch. And thats someone I dont want to be. Im still kind of sweet and somewhat naive and innocent. I still believe people deserve second third and fourth chances. I believe in true love and that people can change. And I dont want to lose that. Dont make me lose that. Please. Show me that you love me each and every day. And I will do the same and more. If you care to stick around and help me heal.
I love you. Good night.